I'm Giving Up Coffee … Tomorrow


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I drank too much coffee today. I did yesterday too. I consume to much coffee in general. It’s not ruining my life, however it’s certainly making it weirder.

Coffee is the first thing I think of in the early morning and the last thing I think of when I cannot sleep at night because I have had too much. You know that adult sigh of satisfaction and relief that individuals let out after their first morning sip? As a little lady, I thought that was just an affectation of grownups around me and in coffee commercials, but now I experience it every day. I never understood I’d be this individual– this cliche of an American adult.

My coffee problem is getting in the way of my productivity. Sure, it starts off as a beautiful, clean jolt of energy, but that energy mutates. I begin moving, like a top of the line, well-oiled, efficiency machine, but I wind up frenetically puttering about, like a malfunctioning robotic shooting stimulates from all my sprockets.

Over-caffeinated, I hurtle around clumsily, frenzied with the nervous energy, deal with twitching like a shneefed up caricature coke-head and all I can think about is coffee– the best ways I desire it, how I’d too much, how I must give up … tomorrow.

Wired and overly suspicious, coffee ares messing up my non-coffee associated ideas. My mind races and I think rapid, awful, no-good ideas about myself. I sweat and my temper is brief. I can’t form any genuine concepts since my brain is in a rush. Can you tell I am over-caffeinated today?

My brain understands that the caffeine is making me act like a freak, however that doesn’t stop my body from autonomously seeking it out. It coincides twitchy physics that make the self-hating thoughts pick up speed that likewise drives me to stand and start preparing 2 enormous containers of cold-brew so that I can have a supply in the house for the next few days, if I can make it last that long.

God, I love cold-brew, it’s such a treat and essentially the only thing I like about summertime. I likewise enjoy hot coffee, milky or black, sweet or bitter. It’s not just the energy, it’s the flavor. I might hear coffee nerds and baristas talk shop permanently, hearing pretentious information about beans and brewing strategies is basically sensual.

Complaining about a (kind of) make believe obsession to something that society collectively decided is not really even really drug is just embarrassing. What’ve I become? Why don’t I just begin calling it java and tell individuals not to talk with me before I have had my early morning cup? God, why don’t I simply marry the things?

I have been kvetching about my coffee habit relentlessly to individuals around me, and a variety of respectable, efficient non-maniacs that I understand have clued me in on the best ways they keep their cool. Their technique? … Restricting or doing away with coffee. They know the racing thoughts and the unusual sweating, the frenetic typing and hurried brain. They got their spunk under control and I wish to as well. A minimum of I think I do.

I’ve actually put together an individual advantages and disadvantages listing of coffee:



perks me right up

helps with concentration

reduces risk of Kind 2 Diabetes

I love it



increased nervousness and irritability

makes me a shitty typist and self editor

I act like a freak

makes me focus on the incorrect stuff

cannot sleep at night

So that’s 5 pros and 6 cons. I cannot live like this anymore. Maybe I’ll start by scaling it back, just one cup in the morning, then simply one cup on weekend early mornings, then just as a treat or in case of emergency. Perhaps I must go cold turkey or become a de-caf individual.

Am I even ready to stop? I’ve no idea, possibly I’ll think more plainly after an additional cup.

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